Ask the questions about what you like and don’t like

By Ty Salvant
NOLA Catholic Parenting

What do you like? What do you dislike? What are your dreams?

Last July, we welcomed a new pastor in our parish who invited parishioners to reflect on these three questions. What do you like about our church and school? What do you dislike about our church and school? What are your dreams for our church and school?

After months of reflecting, multiple small-group meetings allowed members to share their input. Following the discussions, our pastor compiled the replies to create a strategic plan for our parish. In addition to allowing people to voice their thoughts and concerns, parishioners were encouraged to dream again.

Contemplating our dreams, no matter how big or small, invigorates and allows people to hope again. When people are invited to participate in the process and solution, it is easier to recognize the challenges and rewards accompanying change. This approach to assessing and addressing the parish's needs resonated with me, because I use this approach periodically with our family.

Every few years, I poll the kids and inquire about their thoughts and feelings about our family. What’s working (what do you like), what’s not (what don’t you like), and what would you like us to do differently (what are your dreams)?

Responses varied over time; often, new ideas reverted to the way we did things previously, and other times we established new routines that worked better for our family. Being humble enough to recognize and accept mistakes, flexible enough to change course, and disciplined enough to create new habits enabled us to be the parents our children need.

Schedule a family meeting and ask the same three questions. Give your children time to reflect in advance or an opportunity to share anonymously if necessary. You know your children. If you have more than one, there is likely one who will say it all and another who will bite his or her tongue so as not to hurt feelings.

This is an opportunity for everyone to share, problem-solve and dream together. This activity is not limited to the children living under your roof. You may need to reassess how you spend holidays, vacations, or quality time with your adult children.

Like the parish meetings, this encounter should begin and end with a prayer to invite God to participate in the process.

Ty Salvant is a New Orleans native, cradle Catholic and homeschooling mom. She is a self-published author of “The Alphabet of You” book and others and founder of Time with Ty, a lifestyle brand created to share her passion for marriage, education, family, self-care and community. Ty relishes opportunities to contribute information, ideas and inspiration. Currently, her volunteer efforts include: chairing the Committee for Racial Equality and Justice in the Archdiocese of New Orleans, involvement with the Junior League of New Orleans, co-coordinating (with Derrick) District III of Catholic Engaged Encounter and blogging for NOLA Catholic Parenting.