Couples can find space to climb spiritual mountaintop

Jason Angelette
Guest Column, Bridal Registry
Clarion Herald

Jason Angelette has served as the director of the Faith and Marriage ministry of the Willwoods Community since 2007. He and his late wife Elise, who died in 2020 after a long battle with cancer, worked hand-in-hand to help married couples enrich their relationships and engaged couples prepare for marriage. They have five children. Check out www.faithandmarriage.org.

How did the Faith and Marriage ministry get started?

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Actually, it was Deacon Paul and Jane Nalty, back in the late ’70s, who felt called to help Catholic couples strengthen their marriages, specifically by offering married couples’ retreats. Since then, it’s grown to include the different Willwoods ministries of affordable housing and WLAE TV. But their primary focus was to foster and strengthen marriages. They saw guys going on the men’s retreats, and there were women’s retreats, but they were asking, where are the married couples’ retreats? That’s such a great gift because in marriage, the couple is called to be one, and that oneness requires intimacy with the Lord, where the husband and wife grow together in their faith. The Lord calls marriage to be this “light on the lampstand” for others to see. We need to grow. We encourage couples to pray together and to witness their love together in their family and their community, but it needs to be nurtured.

How have the married couples’ retreats helped fan the flame?

We’ve encouraged couples to find that space together to go to the spiritual mountain top, just like the Lord himself, to find that intimate relationship with the Father in prayer. Before big things happened, before he chose the 12, there were these moments where the Lord himself would retreat to the mountain top. Marriage isn’t like building up a 401-K and raising kids. It’s about leading each other closer to God. It’s about desiring and willing the good of the other, and one’s ultimate good is heaven. So, in marriage, there’s a responsibility to not only be the helpmate who helps out around the house and doing things. Sure, that’s important. But most importantly, it’s about helping each other get to heaven.

Did you have those talks with Elise?

Yes. We used to joke about the idea of us getting old and gray, holding hands, rocking on the rockers on the front porch, reminiscing about times gone by. We didn’t get that, right? But that’s not the tragedy. The tragedy would have been if we had lived our marriage for ourselves so that we didn’t tap into the grace that God was calling us to and to be that witness of God’s love in the world. Marriage is the sign that the Lord wants for all to see that we’re made for him, that he is the faithful bridegroom who will never leave us and who is leading us home to heaven.

What’s the secret of spending time away on retreat?

The retreats give couples the opportunity to step away from their busy schedules. They already know in their heart that they need this. You’re falling into the arms of the God who loves you so much. I’m hearing these words over and over again from different couples: They feel renewed, strengthened, recharged. St. Bernard said we don’t need to be channels of God’s grace; we need to be reservoirs. The retreat allows the grace of the Lord to pour into our reservoirs so that we can pour out to those around us the love that has been poured out to us.

Have parishes been sponsoring the retreats?

Yes. We’re getting so many parishes that want to sponsor a retreat. We have 15 retreats for 2024 – which is the most we’ve ever done – and 14 of the 15 are sponsored by parishes. We wanted to have at least one retreat where it wasn’t reserved by a parish so that anybody can look on the calendar and come. Parishes are in a unique position to reach out and talk to their own couples. It also helps to build parish communities. There is the Eucharist and the sacraments, and we need that because that’s foundational. But we also need community. We were made for community. Part of the reason why people leave the Catholic Church is because we’re still struggling with how to build community because we’re so used to being almost siloed.

How can people find out more?

The best way is to go to www.faithandmarriage.org. There are a lot of great resources and also the list of retreat dates and a variety of things that can strengthen marriages. We’re also here to help strengthen parishes.

Have you seen married couples become “mentor” couples for the engaged in their parish?

Absolutely. A lot of the couples who speak on our weekends are also couples who are mentor couples in their parish. They’ve stepped out into that space and, by the grace of God, they’ve realized that it’s not about them and they don’t have to worry about being the “perfect” couple to lead because there’s no perfect couple except for Mary and Joseph. We’re trying to invite new couples to step forward in faith because we can’t do this without them. What’s beautiful is that when couples do step forward and speak on a retreat, so many of them will say, “This has helped us so much. I think we receive more than we gave.”

What advice would you have for couples preparing for marriage?

I would definitely say just draw close to the Lord. Foster that new invitation that the Lord is giving you when you become one in marriage. He wants the couple to foster that spiritual relationship as a couple. Going to prayer, going to the sacraments is something that is foundational in your marriage. That’s the strength that we have. Whenever storms hit our house, whenever there’s a cancer diagnosis, if you lose a job, if something happens to your children, if someone’s sick, if there’s a miscarriage, how are you going to handle these things? You can’t be naive that they’re not going to happen, but when they do happen, you have a foundation, you have a grace that’s pouring in. Also, it is wonderful to have a community of other couples that are on that same path. Never stop dating your spouse, never stop learning more about your faith and about how the Lord wants to lead your marriage. Never stop being intentional about ways to strengthen your marriage. For priests, deacons and religious, it’s mandatory that they go on a retreat every year. There’s something so powerful they go on a retreat every year. There’s something so powerful that couples can benefit from going on a retreat. We have a “United in Love, United in Christ” marriage enrichment series that goes over some of the basic, foundational pieces as we’re trying to live out our marriage in joy.

What has it been like for you following Elise’s passing in 2020?

Praise God, there’s so much joy that I feel. Whenever I get to share, I let people know what a great witness she was for me and how much I learned from her. I learned a lot from the John Paul II Institute about marriage, but I learned so much about being a husband from being a student of Elise. I feel like it’s a great gift to be able to still be in the marriage ministry where I get to share a lot of what Elise taught me and what we learned together in our marriage. I want that for others. I want them to know that they’re not alone, that that there’s going to be fights, there’s going to be challenges, there’s going to be obstacles, but that God is bigger. And, if we keep our eyes on Christ and not focus so much on the storm, we can walk on water.

– Peter Finney Jr.

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