Encouraging personal growth requires rejecting comparisons

Comparison is the thief of joy,” I reminded my daughter as she stared at her test with disappointment. She had earned a B, but her younger brother, who was taking the same class, had gotten an A.

Her tall teenage body was limp with defeat, and her eyes told the story of a girl who felt like she might never measure up.

I offered a hug, and as she reluctantly fell into my arms, I whispered, “You did great on this test. Don’t let the devil convince you otherwise.”

Even though she knew I was right, her eyes kept drifting back to the grade that didn’t belong to her.

Motherhood is always a challenge, but it’s especially difficult when I need to teach my kids something that I’m still learning how to do myself. Keeping my eyes on my own paper is one of those things.

I’m not the only one who struggles with this; most of us do. So how do we stop peering over our shoulders and comparing scores?

We lock our eyes on Jesus.

When I focus on Jesus, he guides my path. He reminds me that no one else needs to know or understand where I am on my journey. He knows, and that’s what matters.

If I focus too much on myself, I naturally start to compare my life with others, and that opens the door for the devil. He sees my insecurities as an invitation into the living room of my brain, and he plops down on my couch and feeds me a plate full of lies that look like truth but taste like desolation.

I’ve unintentionally extended this invitation more often than I’d like to admit, and the devil has always welcomed the opportunity, especially in my faith life. Anytime I was stressed or anxious, he whispered that I didn’t trust God enough. If I was struggling to pray, he insisted that God was disappointed. 

A year ago, he had me convinced that only the holiest of women wore veils. It was a sign of intimacy with God that I didn’t have, and I honestly didn’t think I’d ever be worthy enough to experience it.

Despite my disordered view of the practice, I kept hearing God calling me to veil. I tried to explain that I wasn’t ready yet, but his invitation lingered like outstretched arms waiting for a hug. 

Naturally, I caved.

At first, wearing a veil felt like an honor that I didn’t earn, but I submitted to his call anyway. 

Tenderly, God spoke to me through the lace. Anytime it brushed against my cheek, God held my face in his hands and reminded me that I belong to him and that I am precious. Instead of glancing around at others and wondering how I compare, it kept my mind fixed on being in the presence of Jesus. How could l focus on anything else? 

If you ever find yourself fighting similar thoughts of being less than or not enough, I pray that your heart will find rest in the truth that Jesus loves you for who you are in this very moment.

There are no qualifiers or comparisons necessary. He truly delights in watching you learn and grow as you become the person he created you to be.

So, weary mamas, wear the veil. Stressed-out teenagers, celebrate your hard-earned B. No matter who you are or where you are on your journey, fix your eyes on Jesus and let him lead the way.

He has plans for your sainthood written on his heart. There’s simply no need to look anywhere else. 

Jenny Dendinger is a Louisiana native who married her high school sweetheart, Buddy, after he stole her heart at their neighborhood bus stop over 20 years ago. She currently spends her days perpetually reheating her coffee while clinging to Mama Mary for help as she homeschools their five children. Because big family life is always full of surprises, she is a firm believer in the vital refreshment that results from continuing to date her husband. She is also known to appreciate the comfort of her daddy’s Monday night red beans, the thrill of hunting for treasure at garage sales and the satisfaction of a sweet victory on family game night. While her house has all the familiar traits of a homeschooling family – hopelessly messy and overflowing with books – her favorite lessons involve putting aside formal work and going beyond the walls of home to put faith into action. Even though it isn’t always easy, Jenny constantly strives to live simply, speak truthfully, give generously and pray unceasingly.