Intentions lead to gratitude for husband, kids

Dr. Heather Bozant Witcher
Young Adults, Clarion Herald

My husband is the king of memes and Internet humor. He loves it. I get probably five to seven memes or screenshots per day via text, with the intention, I’m sure, of making me smile. Usually, though, it’s an eye roll and a smirk.

Last week, we began a new Friday tradition. Friday night is pizza night at my house. We make our dough, the kids decorate the pizza, and we have fun in the kitchen while we wait for the pizzas to be finished. (And yes, when it’s been a chaotic or stressful day … we order takeout.)

The kids know this routine; they look forward to it. “Pizza!” my youngest screams as he walks in the door from school, throwing his hands in the air and clapping.

   So, I decided to add on to that ritual and practice gratitude. We each identify one thing that we’re grateful for or happy about that week.

For the kids, it’ll be a way for them to share something from school or a memory that’s stuck with them.

Last week, they each identified a “home day” activity from the days when they were out of school. It showed me just how much they enjoyed their time at home, and reminded me of why the tantrums had been at high frequency: getting back into the rhythm of school was hard.

The goal is to fill a jar with these weekly moments so that by New Year’s Eve, we can look back and remember the small, joyful moments that are all too quickly forgotten.

Fast forward this week to when I received my daily dose of husband humor. This one, though, made me laugh and reflect. Written as a dialogue between a couple, the first person welcomes the other home and asks whether it was a good day looking at screens at work. The banter continues about work screens before moving on to home screens – watching something on the big screen at home, while both are using their  cellphones during an activity that is meant to be shared.

Humorous, yes. But also, very true. How often do my husband and I climb onto the sofa after the kids have gone to bed and “watch” something together, only to be scrolling through our phones at the same time? Almost every night, if I’m being honest. The next text, then, surprised me. “How about we add this to our Friday rituals? No small screens?”

Focusing on presence and reconnection – that’s the goal.

I don’t like new year resolutions; but I do think that intentions within relationships, of all kinds, are good. With my kids, the intention is to practice gratitude because, quite frankly, it’s something that I’ve seen missing in the students that I teach. With my husband, the focus is on reconnection – finding ourselves and each other post-kids.

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