Judge D'Souza: Life of service and countless acts of kindness

Bernadette D’Souza was 35 and the mother of three children – ages 5, 8 and 10 – when in 1989 she re-evaluated one of her lifelong desires in a conversation with her husband Terence, a New Orleans neurologist. With their kids at long last in school full time, her husband was encouraging her to act on her teenage dream of becoming a lawyer.

D’Souza had grown up as the eldest of eight children in the Catholic enclave of Goa, India – the Portuguese colony in southwest India to which St. Francis Xavier introduced the faith in 1542 – and she always had been passionate about her Catholic philosophy and worldview. Her mother named her in honor of St. Bernadette Soubirous, to whom the Blessed Mother appeared in Lourdes in 1858.

“My grandmother and my parents had a great devotion to Our Lady of Lourdes, and when I was born, my mother said, ‘You look like Bernadette,’ so that’s how I got my name,” D’Souza said.

Indira Gandhi was her hero
As a teenager, D’Souza also was deeply moved by the eloquence, intellect and leadership of India’s first and only female prime minister, Indira Gandhi.

“She was like a role model, and I literally hung on her every word when she spoke on the radio,” D’Souza recalled. “So, very often, I wanted to be a lawyer.”

D’Souza’s father was an accomplished violinist and guitar player who worked on hundreds of films in the Bollywood movie industry, and his well-paying job allowed her to attend a convent boarding school and, later, the University of Mumbai, where she graduated with honors with a degree in psychology. She also met her future husband there, who was one year ahead of her in school.

But when her father died in 1974 when she was 20, her dreams of becoming a lawyer were shattered. Her future husband had left India to attend medical school in the U.S.

“I had seven siblings to care for with my mother, so I took a job in Tehran, Iran,” D’Souza said.

Those next four years were turbulent, culminating in the Islamic revolution that began in 1978 and eventually toppled the shah of Iran. It was during that chaos that Terence, who was doing his residency in neurology at Tulane University Medical School, flew to Iran with the intent of doing more than simply checking on his girlfriend’s safety.

Love in the midst of chaos
“He took off a week and flew to Tehran to marry me,” D’Souza said. “I went to a little Catholic church in Tehran for daily Mass, so I told the Irish priest, Father Fitzmorris, ‘My boyfriend is here, and he’s asked me to marry him.’ Father Fitzmorris said, ‘Of course, why don’t you come after Sunday Mass and I’ll marry you. This place is in turmoil.’”

They were married on Feb. 19, 1978, and amazingly, Bernadette got a spousal visa to enter the U.S. just three months later. She knew almost nothing about New Orleans.

“My husband told me to go and watch the James Bond movie, ‘Live and Let Die,’ because it was all shot at the (New Orleans) airport,” Bernadette said, laughing.

After 10 years as a stay-at-home mom, Bernadette considered going back to school for a doctorate in clinical psychology.

“But my husband told me, ‘You always wanted to be a lawyer back in India. Why don’t you go to law school?’” Bernadette said. 

Bernadette was fearful, but in 1989, she aced the LSAT (the Law School Admission Test) and entered Tulane Law School. She was the oldest in her class.

“It was tough being a mother and not having gone to college in the U.S.,” Bernadette said. “I spent many hours in the undergrad library, and things got worse because of all the extra reading I had to do. I recall one day in my first semester coming home from law school after an exam, and I just broke down crying. I kept saying, ‘I can’t do this. I’m going to quit.’ And all three of my kids ran up to me and said, ‘You can’t do that. You can’t.’ And I started crying even more – ‘How am I going to be an example for these kids about never quitting?’”

Buoyed by children, husband
Bernadette said as difficult as law school was in her adopted country, “I never lost faith.” She continued attending daily Mass, and even now, after serving more than 10 years as the first Family Court Judge in the history of Orleans Parish, she never misses.

“It’s in me, and I begin my day with Mass,” she said. “When I attend Mass in the morning, I begin my day very positively. No matter how terrible a day I had at court hearing these emotionally charged cases, the next morning I go to church and just leave all that pain and sorrow that I hear at the altar. Even my staff says, ‘Judge, yesterday you looked so drained, and today you sound so happy.’ I really believe it is my faith that has brought me this far.”

As a law school intern during the summer, D’Souza became passionate about representing indigent clients in their struggles with evictions and domestic violence. After law school, she practiced for 18 years with Southeast Louisiana Legal Services, where she became managing attorney.

A life ends at her feet
On May 16, 2000, her life literally flashed before her eyes. At the Jefferson Parish Courthouse, D’Souza had just obtained a permanent injunction against a man who had been abusing his girlfriend.

As D’Souza walked down the steps of the Gretna courthouse with her client to escort her to her car, another car pulled up and came to a stop. It was her client’s abuser.

“He jumped out of the car and came shooting at us,” D’Souza said. “My client fell at my feet. She said, ‘Bernadette, help me!’ And I was running to get help, and as I turned back to look, I saw the gun pointed at my back. All that flashed in front of my face was my husband and my three kids, and I said, ‘Oh, God, please help me. He’s going to kill me.’ And, with that same gun, he put it to his head and shot himself.”

The questions and the trauma lingered.

“In the first few days, I was so shaken up,” D’Souza said. “Given that my husband was a neurologist, he suggested that I see a clinical psychologist, which I did. I came back, and my husband got me up the next morning and said, ‘You always like going to church. Why don’t you go pray?’ So, I went to church and I never stopped after that.”

D’Souza could have transferred her job responsibilities away from domestic violence cases, but she said no.

“I wanted to be a true advocate,” she said. “I’m grateful to God for allowing me to continue with the work that I set my heart on doing. Each day, he gives me great strength. All I ask for is the grace and strength to continue doing this work. It’s made me a better judge because I’ve been through this. The experiences I’ve gained in the past really help me understand the dynamics of what goes on in the domestic violence family situation.”

Ran unopposed as newbie
A political novice, D’Souza ran for the inaugural position of Family Court Judge in 2012. She still can’t believe what happened: She was a newbie and originally had two opponents, but perhaps because they saw her amazing resumé and heard her story, they dropped out, and she was elected unopposed. 

D’Souza was re-elected to six-year terms in 2014 and 2020.

In the past, domestic cases in Orleans Parish normally were assigned to the least-experienced Civil District Court judge until that judge could pass on those troublesome and emotionally charged cases to the newest “junior” judge. D’Souza said she was made for this.

“It’s emotionally draining because the courtroom is often emotionally charged,” she said. “It’s tough doing this work. A Family Court judge has to be empathetic in every case because these are very important matters, and the judge makes life-changing decisions for these children and their parents. I tell the attorneys who come before me that it’s not between the father and the mother when custody’s involved. My focus as a judge is what is in the best interest of that child.”

Call to Vatican
The respect D’Souza has earned in her professional career also caught the eye of the Vatican. As the president-elect of the National Association of Women Judges, she was among 10 female judges asked by Pope Francis to travel in June 2019 to Rome to speak to the Pontifical Academy of Sciences.

D’Souza’s topic was “Access to Justice to Eradicate Poverty,” with a large portion devoted to helping victims of domestic abuse. The judges were told not to get their hopes up that the Holy Father would attend the summit, but he did, sitting in the front row, just in front of D’Souza’s second-row seat.

“I could literally count the stitches on his cap,” D’Souza said, laughing.

She talked about her efforts to set up a self-help desk to assist people, who can’t afford lawyers, in filling out petitions for divorce and custody. She also lobbied the state Legislature to pass a law that would require anyone who is the subject of a protective order to surrender any weapons he or she might have in the home.

“But the highlight of that three-day summit was just the pope himself,” she said. “Each judge got to shake his hand. I had my rosary, and he saw my rosary, and I wanted him to touch it. So, he put his hand in my hand, and I put my hand on top of his hand and my tears were flowing down on it, and I started wiping his hand. He gave me this beautiful smile.”

Out of nowhere
Tragically, one month later, her husband Terence had a heart attack and died on a family vacation. Bernadette said she has relied on her faith to allow her to reflect on the blessings Terence showered on her and her children. 

“He was so proud of me,” Bernadette said. “In fact, my friends, to this day, tell me, ‘Your husband’s face just lit up when he talked about you and your achievements.’ But I tell you, I could not have done it without him.”

She remembers the battered woman – a partner in an arranged marriage – whom she was able to move with her 2-year-old son to another state under a new identity. More recently, she issued a protection order and permanent custody to a woman who had fled from another state because of family violence in which she was  bound with electrical cords, her clothes ripped open.

And then there was the cashier she met at Rouse’s the other day.

“This lady kept smiling at me,” Bernadette said. “I was busy putting things on the belt and she said to me, ‘You don’t remember me, do you?’  I said, ‘No.’ And she said, ‘You were my lawyer. You saved my life.’”

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