Lighting candle in darkness reminds us of lives lost

At 7 p.m. on Oct. 15, the darkness found spots of light as families lit candles in honor of International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Around the world, families mourned, grieved and supported those who have experienced the loss of a life gone too soon.

Families and supporters kept the candles lit for an hour, symbolically acknowledging the brevity of these babies’ lives, even though they continue to live on in their parents’ hearts.

Known as the “Wave of Light,” the global event began 18 years ago, culminating the end of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

In 1988 – the year I was born – President Reagan designated Oct. 15 as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. But how many of us know the facts surrounding pregnancy or infant loss?

One in 4 women will lose a baby during pregnancy, delivery or infancy. One in 160 pregnancies will end in stillbirth.

These are facts often not discussed, often not even during pregnancy with our doctors. We acknowledge that the risk of miscarriage is greatest in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, which is why many women wait until post-12 weeks to announce their pregnancy.  But the loss of a child during pregnancy, labor or infancy is still a taboo topic.

And yet, 1 in 4 is quite a high number. I personally know a number of families in my circle of friends who have experienced such a loss – and not only once, but multiple times.

The symbolic light that spreads globally in the darkness acknowledges the growth of awareness surrounding this loss, but it is so important that we continue to break down the stigmas and begin talking more openly about the loss of these beautiful lives – lives that have been taken too soon.

Breaking the stigma not only allows for greater support but also drives the need for more medical improvements and research surrounding pregnancy and infant care. There is so much that we still don’t know about pregnancy and about infant loss, and we simply can’t know if we don’t realize that the problem exists and is prevalent.

Pregnancy and baby loss are not rare or isolated experiences. Grief and death are difficult topics. It can be hard to know how to support someone whom we know is in the throes of loss. But simply acknowledging solidarity – acknowledging that we can all be supporters and that no one who encounters loss is alone – can be enough.

For all of those families who have experienced the loss of a baby – at whatever stage of life – you are not alone.

This October, we should keep the candles going in remembrance of all those babies who have touched and lit up our lives, however briefly, as we pray and offer support to those families left behind.

You are not forgotten.

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