Loneliness of pandemic mirrored in the cross of Christ

What a year (or more!) it has been! St. Margaret and its pastor are quite creative, and from the outset of the lockdown in March 2020, my staff and I decided to call all our families to simply see how folks were doing in quarantine. And we did it – 1,000 phone calls every week for eight weeks!

Reactions were all over the map. Some people were quite grateful and visited for awhile. Others were suspicious – they thought “Maybe I’m in trouble,” or “Father is going to ask for money!”

Some even said, “Oh, you’re the new pastor,” when in fact I am starting the 10th year of my pastorate!

Perhaps the most gut-wrenching experience of the pandemic came on Easter Sunday in 2020. My parochial vicar and I decided to maintain an integrity of schedule and life by celebrating Mass at our normally scheduled times despite the lockdown. We celebrated Easter Sunday Mass. When we walked out in the piazza afterward, we were greeted with physically distanced parishioners sitting on lawn chairs, watching Easter Mass on their iPads!

The more phone calls I made, the more I was convinced that we were fighting an epidemic, but not the one of which you are thinking. The epidemic of loneliness is real and is out there. I do not know about you, but the pandemic revealed something to me. Folks are constantly fighting loneliness every day.  

But Catholicism is not meant to be done alone. The pandemic proved that without friendship, community and relationship, we are incomplete. We need to live life with each other!

Loneliness is what we feel when we are isolated from others, and it often has less to do with others’ physical absence and more to do with feeling disconnected or alienated from them or misunderstood by them. In fact, the feeling of disconnection is a far more painful species than mere absence because we feel the isolation of being despised and rejected.

We all experience loneliness at some time or another. People we care about come and go. Even our most treasured relationships can fail, leaving a dark hole inside.  Sometimes, it feels like there is nobody around at all, when, in fact, there are people all around.

Loneliness is loss. It’s not just a matter of being alone, of being bored or dissatisfied with a solitary life. When we are lonely, we feel damaged, rejected and abandoned. We desperately want someone to tell us or show us they want to be around us.

Which leads to a flood of questions. “What is the matter with me?” When lonely, we doubt our self-worth and why we are alone. And sometimes living in loneliness becomes comfortable.

Jesus experienced loneliness, too. It was on the cross at the moment he became sin for us. In that unfathomably horrible, incomprehensibly lonely moment, he felt forsaken by his Father and all those he loved. He was ravaged physically and spiritually “beyond human semblance.” 
 

No one has experienced or has understood the depths of loneliness like Jesus.

COVID taught all of us how to battle loneliness. We must know our self-worth. We are loved; we are valuable; we are worthy. God loves us infinitely.

Sometimes we must lead with our own vulnerability, inviting people to accompany us in this struggle. There also must be availability to the other; authenticity is a must as is accountability. In other words, we must be willing to take off the masks that we hide behind to show the simple reality of who we are.

It takes time, it takes trust and it does not just happen in times of quarantine but extends far beyond. COVID reminded us all that real community helps conquer loneliness. Jesus provides the road map. He always spent time with others, growing in relationships, challenging them, holding them accountable, letting them fail, forgiving them and giving them real opportunities. 

In our priestly fraternity, we are never actually alone! 

Father Jamin Scott David is episcopal vicar for strategic planning for the Diocese of Baton Rouge.