Mommy dates with toddlers are remarkably rich

Dr. Heather Bozant Witcher
Young Adults, Clarion Herald

As I write this, one of my sons is home with me. Usually, this is because someone woke up with a fever or some other outward symptom of illness, and he can’t go to daycare. But, that’s not the case this time. Before the chaos of the semester begins, I’m trying to take each child for a full mommy-child date. In this case, speech therapy falls right in the middle of the day; it’s a 30-minute session, but between lunch and naptime, it makes little sense for him to head back to daycare. So, here we are.

As a mom to three young children (all under 4), it’s hard for each child to get individual attention – except when they’re sick. Often, the twins share time with us during the youngest’s extended nap; because of the weekly physical therapy that my youngest has, he gets the most one-on-one time. So, I’ve begun doing these “dates” with each child.

I started doing this with the twins when they were really young – when I was pregnant with their brother. I knew that my time would be limited, and  I know that each of them value having time just for themselves.

Often, because the twins are 4, I know we’re overdue for one of these dates when the tantrums are out of control. Or, more often the case now, they simply ask for it.

I was brushing my son’s teeth and, out of nowhere, he simply looked up. It had been a hard day; the weather meant that we couldn’t go outside and get our energy out. Instead, it just seemed that we jumped from activity to activity – the kids are not really into anything, just wanting to argue or do something different. So, that evening, he looked up at me and said quietly: “Can we have a mommy date? Just us. Not brothers.”

It was time. He had a therapy appointment that coming week, so I figured why not.

These aren’t extraordinary dates. We usually drop off everyone at daycare and head to a bakery around the corner. He gets to pick out something from the case, and I grab a coffee. We sit across from one another and talk. We get to play at home together one-on-one with the toys and head to the appointment. Lunch is at home, followed by a nap. Usually, we end with a trip to Target or the grocery for errands before picking everyone back up.

Mommy dates are just a small way to let each child know that I’m there. During our last dates, we figured out what presents to give to their brothers for their birthdays. We get to connect and do things individually, letting each one know and recognize that they are their own person, despite having to share most everything.

And, the best part of it all is that I have the flexibility that allows me to do this.

At least right now, they love their mommy dates. They come back to their brothers calmer, more generous with their toys, and the tantrums – for a bit – quiet down. Their cup has been filled; and so has mine.

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