Mother details heartfelt journey after son's death

By Christine Bordelon
Clarion Herald

Anyone who knew Brother Martin graduate James Clifton deBruey would say he was generous, a good friend, an out-of-the-box thinker and someone who traveled to the beat of a different drum.

So, when a boat he was on with three others sailing the remote Arno Atoll to Majuro in the Marshall Islands in the Pacific Ocean was lost at sea in 2010, the 22-year-old deBrueys left a legacy of influence worldwide.

To keep his spirit and works alive, his mother, Mary T Heffron deBrueys, concentrated her efforts over the last two years compiling a heartfelt book, “Jambos with James – Blessed to Broken to Blessed,” coinciding with the 10th anniversary of the tragedy.

The book painstakingly chronicles her son’s birth, friendships, high school and college years as an honors student, work as a disc jockey, band member and bartender at The Chimes in Baton Rouge, where he won “Baton Rouge’s Hottest Bartender” in 2008.

The book also includes letters he penned and others who wrote to him while he volunteered teaching English for the nongovernmental organization WorldTeach, as well as pictures of his family’s celebration of his life over the past decade.

“The book actually started the first year he died,” deBrueys said, encouraged by relatives and friends of James to whom she returned many of his letters. “Originally it was because we wanted something to document James’ time there and give it to family and friends. Over time, it got bigger.”

She said the publishing company envisioned a more extensive project that would benefit people who have suffered loss, especially young people who often struggle to understand and cope with that.

“This is a faith-based way of helping other people – to make it universal,” said deBrueys, a member of St. Aloysius Parish in Baton Rouge, where she joined the “Cracked Pots” grief group for families who have lost a child. deBrueys has since spoken to other groups about her own loss, her understanding of love and how her Catholic faith was strengthened.

Thoughtful book

The 156-page book’s name “Jambo” originated from a phrase James used to describe his walks with students and friends in the Marshall Islands shortly after his May 2010 graduation from LSU as an anthropology major through his disappearance Nov. 25, 2010.

In Marshallese, “jambo” literally means a walk.

“He would say, ‘I went on a jambo with my kids this morning,’” his mother said.

In one of his last letters, he even suggested compiling the numerous letters into a book and calling it “Jambos with James.”

Legacy lives on

After the search for James’ boat was called off, the entire deBrueys family (Mary T, Jim, Michelle, André, Steven and Simone) made the long trek to the Marshall Islands to envision James’ life there. They waited two days in Hawaii for a flight to Majuro for a memorial service and then took another flight to Arno Atoll, where James taught, for a second memorial.

“It was hard, but we wouldn’t have missed it,” Mary T said. “It was very humbling. The people there are so poor, and they gave to us. When someone dies, they give you a basket and families walk by and give you something they handmade.”

Family and friends have rallied around the deBrueys ever since. Ten years ago, an anonymous donor began an annual award at St. Aloysius School in Baton Rouge for an out-of-the-box thinking teacher (the first awardee used her award to fund a memorial garden for James).

Brother Martin’s Rugby team created an award for players who, like James, played rugby for five years. Friends of James continue the annual “Keep It Classy” League Christmas party that James originated in college. And a basketball court in the Marshall Islands that James thought of – and reached out to friends to fund – was built, complete with a cypress sign made in Patterson, Louisiana, by family friends.

“When he died, we pushed for it and so many more people contributed to it, and a friend stayed longer than his stint to make sure the court was finished,” Mary T deBrueys said.

The deBrueys family also created a memorial bench (with the image of his famed mustache) in the Greenoaks Cemetery in Baton Rouge where he is buried. They also launched the JAMSS (the initials of all the deBrueys children) Amatongas Mission School Supplies Memorial Fund, created for an orphanage and school that the Brothers of the Sacred Heart – founders of Brother Martin – run.

“This is our No. 1 one effort in memory for James that we think is so important,” she said.

Faith prevails

deBrueys said all these things have helped her family overcome grief.

“It has really strengthened my faith,” she said. “We are so much stronger and better. When I talk to grief groups, I always talk about the communion of saints. Love is eternal. When people die, they are still with you. I have such a firm belief in that, not just because James died. … I think a tremendous amount of good comes out of horrible situations.”

deBrueys said writing the book brought James’ life and the people he cherished alive. Many stay connected to share memories, including those whom James met through WorldTeach.

“All along, we’ve known of the universality of young people and people in general,” she said. “The ones in James’ group are amazing to me. Over 20 of them keep in touch with us to this day. They are all creative, good-hearted people. Some are still around the world giving and donating and so kind-hearted and generous. I think the spirit of that is incredible to me. I think James would have pursued something like that.”

She hopes the book helps readers understand loss through her experience. Her family gradually became aware that James’ loss taught them to cherish the “beauty and true gifts of family and friends” and to acknowledge the “God-winks around us if and when we have the eyes and ears to notice.”

Those experiences strengthened her belief that her family will be reunited with James and others who died.

“It is a real boost for people who need to be encouraged that things can get good again,” she said.

The book is available on Amazon and www.friesen press.com.

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