Retreat set for women experiencing infertility

By Christopher O'Neill
Office of Marriage and Family Life

It is estimated that about 1 in 8 couples of reproductive age experience infertility.  For those who experience it, the fact that infertility is so common isn’t much consolation.

The desire for children runs very deep, much deeper than we tend to appreciate. Our culture treats having children as an “optional life choice” – like the decision to get a puppy or a career choice.  But those of us who have children know all too well that a son or a daughter is not a puppy or a job – something to “own” or to “have.”

Children have a way of changing everything we thought we wanted out of life.  In a way, they determine what we want – what we aim at and what we work for.  They make us work harder than we ever have and become more generous than we’ve ever been.

Children have this effect on us because, at its root, the divine call to marriage and family life is an entirely selfless one.  It is a call to nurture and love the other with all that you’ve got.    

When this noble Christlike desire to offer life to another is frustrated, the suffering can run very deep indeed. It can call into question some of the deepest assumptions we have about ourselves: who we are, what is our purpose, what is our relationship to God.

The same questions that seem to be answered in mysterious ways when the child comes can seem to be left unanswered for those who experience infertility. Or worse, there can be a powerful temptation to answer them negatively. Am I broken? Is my body working against me? Against my sense of my vocation? Is my marriage fruitless? Is this some kind of punishment? Are we among the “not blessed” by God?

A couple’s suffering is not helped by the clumsy way we can sometimes unknowingly respond to it. There are few who work harder to be “open to life” than those enduring infertility, and the casual assumption that they are willingly thwarting God’s plan can difficult to bear. Often, the sense of misunderstanding and isolation from the Christian community can be some of the most difficult aspects this experience.

For those of a deep enough faith, infertility brings not only an awareness of, but a deep longing for the rich beauty of family life that few can appreciate.

If you are a woman experiencing infertility, I invite you to a retreat designed just for you. We will host Springs in the Desert, a new Catholic ministry to those experiencing infertility on Dec. 3-4 at the ANO Retreat Center.

The Springs team includes experts in the church’s theology of the person, marriage and family and who have themselves experienced the spiritual, emotional and physical struggle with infertility.  Their knowledge and personal experience give them a deep understanding of this unique burden and a longing to journey together with others who are going through the same thing.

The retreat is for women, and the costs for the retreat are covered for anyone who attends. Donations will be gratefully accepted, but your presence would be a far greater gift to us and the other women who bear a similar cross.

Learn more and register at SpringsintheDesert.org. Email [email protected] or [email protected] with any questions you may have. Please share this article with your friends and let them know about the retreat.  Perhaps someone you know may need it. 

Christopher O’Neill is the director of Marriage and Family Life for the Archdiocese of New Orleans.