Evenings for the Engaged foster two-on-two growth

Lisa Janusa
NOLA Catholic Parenting
Clarion Herald, Bridal Registry

Marriage is a beautiful and holy sacrament which God has established for the purpose of joining one man and one woman together for a lifetime. The definition of a sacrament is a practice instituted by Christ himself. A sign and a seal. It is a sign of God’s grace to all the world. The Catholic Church teaches that marriage is so much more than just saying the words “I do!”  It is a holy covenant which binds the couple together in love and in holy service to one another.

In the book of Genesis in the Bible, we read about the first man and the first woman destined to begin the human family. God says to them, “Go forth and multiply.” In Revelation, the last book of the Bible, we read of the symbolic marriage of God with his bride, the Church. Marriage is a very solemn act freely given and requires serious preparation. For many years the church has provided several means of this preparation for engaged couples.

One of the programs is called “Evenings for the Engaged.” Twenty years ago, my husband Frank and I were invited to become mentors for an engaged couple. We would meet with the couple over six evenings at our home. A person or persons who have been appointed in the church for marriage and family ministry would pair the couples together.

When the couple first meets with their priest, he will ask them to fill out a questionnaire. A comparison is made on topics they agree or disagree with. The results are shared with the priest and the mentor couple so that they can discuss concerns or issues with the couple face to face. We follow a marriage preparation guidebook that has a take home packet for each meeting. The topics we will discuss are:

• 1) Looking at Marriage Together
• 2) Ways to Communicate Love
• 3) Images of God and Married Love
• 4) Marriage and Intimacy
• 5) The Sacrament of Marriage
• 6) Building a Stronger Marriage

We enjoy meeting our new couple and welcoming them to our home. We seek to make them feel comfortable and let them know that we are excited to begin the marriage prep program with them. Hopefully, we will bless them as we discuss each topic and share with them our own experiences and challenges in married life.

The subject I most enjoy talking about is marriage’s spiritual side. I share with them how faith in God is the foundation for a healthy and strong marriage. I explain that couples can’t rely upon their spouse or themselves for everything. We need to rely upon God, because he is a loving father who sees  all our needs. I tell them that there are no guarantees that their marriage will be perfect. Everything can change in an instant such as when a spouse becomes ill or is injured in an accident. These are the times in which married couples will need to turn to God for strength and guidance. God wants their marriage to be an example of love for others in their family and community to see.

My husband likes to give financial advice since he has been a CPA for over 50 years.  He has seen some of the pitfalls couples fall into with things like fighting about who has control of the money; hiding things from each other; not planning and budgeting together and making long-term goals.

Sometimes our meetings can be entertaining.

On the final meeting, we invite the priest to join us for a home-cooked meal. On this occasion, my husband did something that truly shocked him. We had pet Pekin ducks in our backyard for years and my husband likes to pick one up and carry it inside as a surprise. The priest heard a funny sound and turned around to see a real duck behind him quacking. You see being a marriage mentor is never boring!