Looking through the 2020 glass, darkly, but on to 2021!

As St. Paul once famously advised the Corinthians, our current vision is akin to seeing through a glass, darkly.

There isn’t a more apt description of what the world has endured for the last 10 months of 2020 – fumbling and stumbling through the fog while trying to ward off an invisible enemy that always seems to be five steps ahead.

But with the gift of 20-20 hindsight – yes, 2020 will be in the rear-view mirror in two weeks – I offer this nearsighted crystal ball, paying homage to my dad’s 50-year tradition of  guiding readers to what will happen in the world of sports in the coming year. 

JANUARY: Despite Drew Brees being sidelined with a full set of spare ribs, the Saints upset the Chiefs in the Dome on Dec. 20. Brees gets a one-game playoff tuneup Jan. 3 vs. the Panthers wearing a flak jacket of composite silicone, oyster shells and S&WB pothole asphalt, but the 13-3 Packers grab the No. 1 seed in a tiebreaker. ... Saints dispatch the Cardinals and Rams in the wild-card and divisional rounds. … In a rare display of unity on Inauguration Day, Joe Biden and Donald Trump inject each other with the Pfizer vaccine on the front steps of The Capitol. MSNBC, however, reports Trump slipped Biden a placebo. Sources tell Fox News that discarded foil wrap indicates the needle Biden used on Trump was made in Wuhan. … Alabama crushes Ohio State 42-17 in the Sugar Bowl, and Clemson routs Notre Dame 37-10 in the Rose Bowl. … In the College Football Playoff Championship, DeVonta Smith, who grew up in Amite just a long Uber ride from Baton Rouge, triggers the latest episode of Saban Derangement Syndrome among LSU fans by hauling in three TD passes from Heisman Trophy winner Mac Jones as the Tide defeats Clemson 42-24 for Nick Saban’s seventh national title. Just before jetting off to corral another 12 five-star recruits, Saban lets it slip at his post-game press conference that Alabama miraculously had a vaccine in late November, well before the rest of the world. “In Tuscaloosa, it just means more,” Saban says, high-fiving Dr. Hiroshi Shiriashi, a Harvard-trained epidemiologist recently added to the Tide’s athletic staff at $17 million a year by The Crimson Tide Foundation. … Brees’ quest for a final Super Bowl appearance is blown away on the frozen tundra of Green Bay as the Saints fall 31-20 to the Packers. … Brees announces he will join NBC as its NFL studio analyst on “Football Night in America” for the 2021 season. … Allen Toussaint’s family graciously steps aside to allow the City Council to rename Robert E. Lee Boulevard “Drew Brees Way.”

FEBRUARY: Chiefs become the first back-to-back Super Bowl champs since the Patriots in 2004 and 2005 by outgunning Packers 38-35 in Tampa in Super Bowl LV. … New-look Pelicans flash defensive muscle to go 15-12 before the All-Star break. Brandon Ingram and Zion Williamson are both named to the West squad. … Sartorially challenged coach Stan Van Gundy signs a two-year clothing deal with big-and-tall retail upstart “Terrycloth is the New Corduroy.” … In the darkened bowels of the Municipal Auditorium, Arthur Hardy, Henri Schindler and Errol Laborde, joined by masked sidekicks Comedy and Tragedy, share beers and tears at 30 paces on Tuesday the 16th.

MARCH: LSU basketball earns a No. 7 seed in the NCAA Tournament with a 19-10 record (12-6 in the SEC). … Concerned about personal privacy protection, coach Will Wade ditches his cell phone and goes 24/7 with the latest in smoke-signal technology from Life Lock. … Tigers fall to Creighton in the second round. … Gonzaga, Iowa, Kansas and Houston make the Final Four. … Even though Taysom Hill is Payton’s projected starter at QB, Saints re-sign Jameis Winston as “Geico” insurance. Serendipity.  “I’ve said our next quarterback is already in the room,” Payton says, “but I’ve told Jay Glazer of Fox Sports a lot of crazy, crazy things.”

APRIL: At the Masters, Bryson DeChambeau unveils a 55-inch driver – the one first ejected from a golf bag by Rodney Dangerfield in “Caddyshack” – to drive the par-5 13th at Augusta National. Justin Thomas takes advantage of DeChambeau’s two-stroke penalty for slow play – Bryson lined up a three-inch putt for 2 1/2 minutes – to win his first green jacket at 15-under 273. … Point guard Jalen Suggs, a one-and-done, leads Gonzaga to its first NCAA title with a 76-65 victory over Kansas. … The Jets grab Clemson QB Trevor Lawrence with the first pick in the NFL draft. Lawrence applies for a staff position with GQ, saying he won’t cut his blond locks until NFL commissioner Roger Goodell strips the Jets of the pick for gross negligence over the last 20 years. … Sittin on Go outclasses the field at the 1 3/16th-mile Louisiana Derby. 

MAY: Saints select Notre Dame’s versatile LB Jeremiah Owusu-Koramoah with their first pick. … Tim Laughlin plays solitary taps on the approximate coordinates of The Acura Stage at the Fair Grounds. … Vequist follows the footsteps of her father, Nyquist, who won the 2016 Kentucky Derby, by running away from Essential Quality at Churchill Downs. ... Rory McIlroy tames the winds at The Ocean Course on Kiawah Island, South Carolina, to win the PGA Championship. DeChambeau finishes seven protein shakes behind. … Dr. Shivel wins the Preakness. 

JUNE: Steve Assmussen-trained Jackie’s Warrior captures the Belmont. … Tiger Woods makes the cut in the U.S. Open at Torrey Pines, where he once won with a broken leg, but McIlroy takes his second-straight major with a closing 67 for a 6-under 274 finish. … Anthony Davis misses the NBA Finals with a hairline fracture of his sublimated ego. Bucks take down the defending-champ Lakers in seven.

JULY: In an emotional Twitter press conference, local amateur and Catholic Charities bigwig Tom Costanza, overwhelmed by LSU’s self-imposed bowl ban in 2020, selflessly announces he will forgo playing the British Open at Royal St. Georges. Jon Rahm takes advantage of the historically weak field to win by four. ... Stefanos Tsitsipas outlasts Novak Djokovic in the five-set final at Wimbledon. Who Dat fans’ imaginations run wild over how Buddy Diliberto might have broken the news. 

AUGUST: Ed Orgeron names Max Johnson his starter. T.J. Finley enters the transfer portal. ... Payton confides to Jay Glazer that Taysom Hill has been long-snapping to himself and punting on the side. NextGenStats.NFL.com believes that has a 23.4% chance of actually working if Hill can just improve his backpedal. ...  Tulane coach Willie Fritz, coming off a third consecutive bowl season, is thrilled by the steady improvement of sophomore QB Michael Pratt. Greenie supporter and former Hannan High principal  John Serio pores over Southwest  Airlines flights to Montgomery for the Cramton Bowl in December.

SEPTEMBER: LSU crushes UCLA 42-14 in the season-opener at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, the start of a 4-0 month. ... Saints have a sluggish, 2-2 start, in part because Payton quietly tells Glazer that Hill is spending too much time working on his drop-kicking instead of moderating his JUGS-machine velocity on screen passes. ... Tulane drops a tough opener against Oklahoma, 31-28, but rebounds with wins over Morgan State, UAB and Ole Miss to cap a wild 3-1 month.

OCTOBER: Padres upset the Yankees in six to win the World Series. ... LSU defeats  Arkansas and Kentucky but drops close games to Auburn and Florida to stand at 6-2. ... Tulane also gets to 6-2 with wins over Memphis, East Carolina and SMU and a loss at Cincinnati. ... Saints rebound with a 3-1 month to stand at 5-3, one game behind the Bucs in the NFC South. ... Payton rebuts a Brees report on “Football Night in America” that he is Jay Glazer’s Deep Throat.

NOVEMBER: Orgeron burns tapes of LSU’s 55-17 loss to Bama in 2019, but strangely enough, the SEC Network has extra copies. Tide prevails in Tuscaloosa, 45-21. ... LSU finishes 8-4 with a loss to Texas A&M. ... Tulane finishes 7-5 with a rough 1-3 month. John Serio checks the fine-print exclusions on his trip insurance. ... Saints beat the Cowboys and Falcons but lose to the Bills and Dolphins to enter December at  7-5.

 DECEMBER: The Saints grab the No. 7 seed in the NFC with a 9-7 mark but lose to the Cardinals on the road in the wild-card round. ...  LSU defeats North Carolina 28-24 in the Gasparilla Bowl. … Tulane defeats Air Force in the Independence Bowl. ...  Donald Trump joins Hillary Clinton in an odd-couple, invitation-only political panel discussion hosted by an Aspen think tank: “Regrets, I’ve Had a Few, But Then Again, Too Many to Mention.” … HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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