Marriages are built on self-sacrifice, not wistful fantasies

By Deacon Dave Farinelli
Clarion Herald Bridal Registry

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a beautiful young woman. At the same time, there lived a tall, handsome lad who wanted the beautiful woman for his own.

We’ve all heard the stories: Young people fall in love, marry and live happily ever after! At least, that’s what people want to believe. This thing called love seems to be something people “fall into.” Marriage appears to be that state of life that is the logical next step to dating. Today, marriage follows living together, even having a baby or two.

The first paragraph is pure fantasy and the second one is chaos.

Unfortunately, many young people believe if we “love one another” we will be able to make it. It’s as if each person has the perfect answer for beginning marriage. As we know, fantasy doesn’t work in the real world.

What we haven’t figured out is that couples beginning their lives together in chaos really doesn’t work either. God created marriage for men and women, for procreation, for the bonding of the couple, for the building of families, as the venue for holiness.

Marriage is ordered, has a distinct purpose and always requires intention and decision. Each person who has discerned that marriage is the vocation through which he or she would best serve the Lord must then decide to live a life seeking holiness. This requires real dedication, study, prayer and a whole lot of conversation.

Couples choosing marriage must realize marriage is a daily decision and commitment. Each person should see this vocation as a laying down of one’s life for the other. This process unites two individuals and provides the environment for a united couple to flourish. The couple’s intent should be one of living out their sacrament and providing the setting to bring children up in the service of God. This involves a total giving of selves.

I have said all this not to paint the picture that marriage is dull and laborious but to emphasize it is not just a way to live one’s life. It is one in which each person assists the other to be better and to develop a deeper relationship within their marriage and with God.

If you are having difficulty in your marriage, please consider seeking help. Catholic Counseling Service has qualified counselors to assist you. Simply call (504) 861-6245. Looking to hear from you!

Deacon Dave Farinelli, LPC-S, LMFT, is clinical supervisor and counselor at Catholic Counseling Service of the Archdiocese of New Orleans. He can be reached at (504) 861-6245.