We do our kids service to let them make some mistakes

By Gavin C. Lewis
NOLA Catholic Parenting

Parents, lend me your ears ... 

Oftentimes, students and children in general struggle with life and expectations for a variety of reasons, which we as adults tend to not remember or understand. 

Pre-teens and teens are still the same as they were when you were younger: know-it-alls who refuse to listen, who are ready to take on the world. The difference is that everything today is magnified due to social media, technology, accessibility to drugs, guns and the growing presence of violence and poverty in every neighborhood.

Growing up, we worried what those in our circle thought and said about us, but because everything today is put on display for the world to see, it is scary for children trying to figure themselves out and fit in.

Add the pressure of being expected to accomplish tasks without error, make good grades, score a perfect ACT/SAT, be the best athlete, gymnast, etc.

The world can be a cold-hearted place for our children. What they desire is simple – having people they admire be proud of and respect them. Adults seem to forget they were their age once and made mistakes. Many adults admit to being glad social media didn’t exist years ago.

Whether we come from a two-parent home or from a broken home, how we think we would deal with today’s problems as our former selves is probably different than how we actually would have dealt with the same issues our children face today.

As a pre-teen/teen, most of us didn’t really know who we were or who we wanted to be. It wasn’t until we matured and had made a few mistakes that we achieved our best version.

Have we afforded our kids that same space to make mistakes without it being the end of the world? Are they allowed to grow into themselves without us pushing our life’s narrative onto them?

“Train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

How do we train a child in a world where societal ills are encroaching on what we as parents expect? How can we train them when social media has their attention, and “likes,” “follows,” retweets and TiKTok dances seem to make them believe that they are successful?

Are we truly training our children or letting technology train them? Do we believe that spoiling them with everything we wished we had is training them properly? Are we utilizing our time and money wisely to set them up for success?

Like building a plane as we fly, raising a child takes time and dedication to ensure that we are not blurring the lines of “training up” and “enabling.”

Here are some tips I use to keep my children on the right path to success: Pray with and for them daily; listen more, talk less; lead by example; address and correct unwanted behaviors, but focus on the positive; speak greatness into their lives; be their biggest cheerleader; create some judgment-free time or a judgment-free space for them to become comfortable telling you anything.

1. Think about things from their perspective.
2. Embrace who they are, and who they are becoming.
3. Hug them often.
4. Take them on dates.
5. Say no sometimes.
6. Talk to them about real life vs. social media.
7. Don’t live my life through them.
8. Love them hard, tell them you love them daily.

We must remember that no two parents or children are alike. Stay on the right path by seeking guidance from God and doing what you believe is right.

Gavin C. Lewis Sr., a native of New Orleans, is married and has four young children. He is a graduate of McDonogh 35 Senior High School, earned a bachelor's degree from The University of Louisiana at Lafayette, a masters in educational leadership from Holy Cross College and is currently a full-time student on track to earn a doctorate in organizational development. He enjoys reading, traveling with his family, going to sporting events with his son, swimming and playing dress up with his three daughters.