‘Wedding Survival Guide for Catholics’: You can thrive

By Eva Jacob Barkoff
Contributing writer
Bridal Registry

A wedding and all the festivities surrounding it is a special time for the bride and groom as well as for their families and friends.

And, yet, overall stress is bound to happen as the couple tries to juggle dozens of things to make the day perfect.

A new book entitled, “The Wedding Survival Guide for Catholics: 44 Strategies to Survive Wedding Planning and Thrive in a Catholic Marriage,” focuses on alleviating any pressure and concerns preparing for the wedding ceremony and reception as well as all the tasks before, during and after.

A collaborative task

The book, released last February by Stress Gone Publishing, LLC, in Metuchen, New Jersey, is written by Peg Hensler and three couples – Nadine and Irv Brechner, Paulette and John Pitonyak, and Carol and Bob Schilling.

“The book was written as a secular version when John brought it to me to review,” said Hensler, associate director for Marriage and Ministries for the Diocese of Trenton, New Jersey. “We started talking about writing a new book using the same guidelines but with additions to the title and content from a Catholic perspective. The whole thing has been an amazing learning process for me.”

“All of us who wrote the book are close friends and very happily married,” added Irv Brechner. “We had children who were planning to marry when the pandemic happened, so plans had to be put on hold, rescheduled and redone.

“COVID was one lesson I feel we all learned from, and one of the things we want to stress in the book is that things happen that you can’t control, so you have to have a Plan B.”

The book begins with a section entitled “The Beauty of a True Catholic Wedding,” with tips and guidelines covering specific protocols as well as the importance of preparing for marriage by working with a parish priest or deacon.

“A Catholic wedding in church is vastly different from other wedding ceremonies,” Hensler said. “It’s so important for a couple to articulate and share with one another what a Catholic wedding means to them.

“Holy matrimony is a sacrament of the church, a holy covenant and a gift from Jesus. A Catholic marriage helps build a community – within the couple’s own family as well within their  church and parish family.”

Tips to reduce stress

Divided by sections rather than chapters, the book continues with general information about Catholic weddings, followed by 44 suggestions for reducing stress and then eight tips for working with various wedding vendors such as bands, florists, hair and makeup professionals, transportation services, caterers and photographers.

That’s followed by advice from the authors on the best questions to ask each vendor.

“Issues and questions about so many things will always come up,” Brechner said. “We wanted to share some answers to basic questions that can help both the couples planning their wedding as well as their parents and others who may be helping in some way. There is always a way to compromise, to resolve an issue.”

Near the end of the book is the section, “Words of Wisdom from Wedding Planning and Marriage Experts and Catholic Clergy.” It includes essays and advice from the authors, clergy, counselors as well as three important words that were given by Pope Francis in a speech on World Youth Day in 2016.

It reads in part: “(Pope Francis) noted that three words – permission, thanks and forgiveness – come in handy every day of married life, and we ask what better time is there to embrace them while preparing for the wedding.”

“One area of the book I feel is important for the couple is for them to create a vision for the big day and put it down on paper,” Brechner said. “It would be so much easier to make plans if everyone truly makes an effort to compromise, collaborate and communicate.”

Reflection of God’s love

“I hope this book will help couples incorporate a shared vision of what a Catholic wedding could be,” Hensler added. “The wedding and the reception are certainly about the couple, but it (wedding) also should be a reflection of God’s love and their relationship to God as Catholics. They are forming a new family, creating a new family tree of life that is a reflection of their love for one another, for God and for their faith.”

The book is available on Amazon and for bulk discounts for marriage ministries and pre-Cana programs as well as for diocesan and parish leaders. Released in March was a free ebook. It is a condensed version of the book that can be downloaded, shared and printed. Contact Hensler for bulk orders at [email protected] or call (609) 403-7156.

Eva Jacob Barkoff can be reached at [email protected].